we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
