here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
