onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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