No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
where are my eyebrows?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
