what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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