Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
