This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
