Im at strip club and am horny
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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