I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
