She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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