Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
