dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
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I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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