Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
