I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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