Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
