return my video game
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
