I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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