She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
