I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize