I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I would ride that face into the sunset
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
