Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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