my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
