remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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