I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
