i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
