im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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