He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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