you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
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After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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