Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
