Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
