I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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