I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am one with the molecules
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
