Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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