You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
