I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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