Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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