ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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