You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
