Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
