Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
