I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
