If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
