careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
