he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
