I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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