hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
