Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
