which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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