I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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