and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
