at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
