You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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