omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
