So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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