So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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