i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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