Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
