Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
