New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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