The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
