Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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