Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry annoynomous hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.

Fav 73 917 3256
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?

Fav 3 4055 1162
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(512): View more from Texas

I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.

Fav 10 2927 2098
share tweet
(262): View more from Wisconsin

Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that

Fav 9 900 1447
share tweet
(740): View more from Ohio

I have a surprise for you guys

(937): View more from Ohio

What is it?

(740): View more from Ohio

A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS

Fav 21 4456 971
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."

Fav 10 2306 812
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him

Fav 2 1227 913
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(518): View more from New York

I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter

Fav 2 569 414
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(314): View more from Missouri

i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"

Fav 0 71 6
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT