is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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