just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
