"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
