He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
