I think I am morally bankrupt
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
