So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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