Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
