I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
