Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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