We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
