I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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