First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Randomize
