Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
