come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
people are starting to question the shark bite story
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't deserve a penis
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
